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It's January 2, and I'm wondering what will make 2015 different than 2014 for me.
Well, for one thing, I hope that I won't get sick, worse yet, go back in the hospital. I had enough of that the year before!
I'd like to be more physically active (that means less crocheting and computer time!). I really need to attract some friends, mainly other gay guys, close to my age. Although, I'm not much of a 'social' person, I think it'll be more healthy to interact more. I've been cooped up in my apartment since I've moved here nearly 3 yrs. ago.
I'm just tired. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of how bland my life has become. Tired of wondering is this it? Is this the way the rest of my life will be?
Now, that's not to say that I always felt this way. there was a time (or two), that I had some friends, and I socialized , but all my friends are either dead, or, weren't really my friends in the long run.
As a typical 'loner', I tried to come out my 'shell' from time to time, but it doesn't last for very long. I sometimes would get the feeling that I seem to make more of a effort than they would. I have this saying, "If I don't make the effort, the effort won't get made!!"
Hey, I don't know, maybe it's my lot in life to be a loner, and I should accept my fate, such as it is. I tend to worry too much when I'm around people. I'm always wondering, I'm I talking too much, too loud, too long. I'm I too poor, too boring, too ugly, even too 'gay' (not that's anything wrong with that! ;-) )
Ever get those people who say they'll call, and/or stop by, but never do? And the ones that do, make you feel that, "You're only as good, as what you're good for!", otherwise, they wouldn't give you the time of day!.
You know the ones, the ones that smile in your face, while trying to feel what's in your pockets!
Yeah, I might sound a bit cynical, but I guess that's my 'sensitive' side talking.
I guess I'll just have to see. I'll try to do better. Maybe I have to take my own advice that I try and teach my crochet students, "Everything round/row you work on, set's up for the next round/row".
In other words, Kenny, 'get your ass up, and do something about it!'
